Living the dream.
Tuhisen rattaga allamäge, läbi viinamarjaistanduste ja sügiskirjude metsade. Korraks käib mu peast läbi mõte, et tagasitee saab raske olema. Siis paistab käänaku tagant järv, Lago di Candia, ning lohutan end teadmisega, et rattasõit teeb keha ilusaks.
Vaikust ilmestab traktoripõrin ja aeg-ajalt kostab kalurite naerupahvakuid. Ilus on olla. Õhus on rahu, järvevees tasakaal.
.
I fly downhill on my bike, through vineyards and falls coloured forests. For a moment, a thought crosdes my mind: the way back will be difficult. Then a lake, Lago di Candia, appears behind a curve and i console myself with knowing that cycling makes my body beautiful.
The silence is enhached by roaring tractors. Every now and then I hear laughter from the local fishermen. Life is beautiful. There is calm in the air, balance in the lake.
...
Eile kuulsin taas lauset: sa elad mu unistuste elu. Miskipärast tegi see mind kurvaks. Elu on unistus, aga see pole lihtne, see ei tule ohverdusteta.
Mõtlen üha enam, et tahaks midagi püsivat. Inimesi, kellele saan loota ka kahe nädala pärast. Ehk on see lihtsalt koduigatsus, kuid mõte tagasipöördumisest ei tundu enam nii kauge.
Muidugi on võimalik püsivus taasluua kusagil mujal. Kusagil, kus on soe ja kus kookospähkel pähe kukub. Otsida omale pisike korter, mille seintele oma pilte lüüa. Leida töö, mis lubaks aeg-ajalt sõpradega õlut juua. Leida sõbrad kellele elu raskusi kurta ("Oeh, täna on terve päeva ainult banaanid mulle sülle kukkunud, ära hakkab tüütama.")
Või tulla tagasi Tartusse. See oleks lihtsam. Banaanide ülekülluse pärast ei peaks ka muretsema. Aga siis tahaksin ma mõne kuu pärast taas ära minna. Või mitte. Ma ju ei tea.
Oh, segadus-segadus.
Oh, valikud-valikud.
Oh, unistuste elu, sa pole sugugi lihtsam kui normaalne elu. Kas peaksidki olema?
.
Yesterday I heard once more someone say: you're living the life of my dream. For some reason it made me sad. Life is a dream indeed, but it's not easy, it comes not without a sacrifice.
I think more and more about wanting something that lasts. About people, who are still with me after two weeks. Maybe I'm just homesick, but the thought of going back is not so distant to me anymore.
Of course, I could make a new life somewhere else. Somewhere warm, with coconuts falling on my head. I would find a tiny apartment where I could put my own pictures on the walls. I would look for a job that would allow me to drink beer with my friends every now and then. I would find friends I could whine to about my difficult life ("Oh, today only bananas kept falling on my lap, so annoying.")
Or I could come back to Tartu. It would be easier. I wouldn' t have to worry about banana overload. But then I would want to leave again in a couple of months. Or not. I don't know.
Oh, the confusion. Oh, the choices. Oh, dreamlife, why are you not easier than normality? Should you be?
Vaikust ilmestab traktoripõrin ja aeg-ajalt kostab kalurite naerupahvakuid. Ilus on olla. Õhus on rahu, järvevees tasakaal.
.
I fly downhill on my bike, through vineyards and falls coloured forests. For a moment, a thought crosdes my mind: the way back will be difficult. Then a lake, Lago di Candia, appears behind a curve and i console myself with knowing that cycling makes my body beautiful.
The silence is enhached by roaring tractors. Every now and then I hear laughter from the local fishermen. Life is beautiful. There is calm in the air, balance in the lake.
...
Eile kuulsin taas lauset: sa elad mu unistuste elu. Miskipärast tegi see mind kurvaks. Elu on unistus, aga see pole lihtne, see ei tule ohverdusteta.
Mõtlen üha enam, et tahaks midagi püsivat. Inimesi, kellele saan loota ka kahe nädala pärast. Ehk on see lihtsalt koduigatsus, kuid mõte tagasipöördumisest ei tundu enam nii kauge.
Muidugi on võimalik püsivus taasluua kusagil mujal. Kusagil, kus on soe ja kus kookospähkel pähe kukub. Otsida omale pisike korter, mille seintele oma pilte lüüa. Leida töö, mis lubaks aeg-ajalt sõpradega õlut juua. Leida sõbrad kellele elu raskusi kurta ("Oeh, täna on terve päeva ainult banaanid mulle sülle kukkunud, ära hakkab tüütama.")
Või tulla tagasi Tartusse. See oleks lihtsam. Banaanide ülekülluse pärast ei peaks ka muretsema. Aga siis tahaksin ma mõne kuu pärast taas ära minna. Või mitte. Ma ju ei tea.
Oh, segadus-segadus.
Oh, valikud-valikud.
Oh, unistuste elu, sa pole sugugi lihtsam kui normaalne elu. Kas peaksidki olema?
.
Yesterday I heard once more someone say: you're living the life of my dream. For some reason it made me sad. Life is a dream indeed, but it's not easy, it comes not without a sacrifice.
I think more and more about wanting something that lasts. About people, who are still with me after two weeks. Maybe I'm just homesick, but the thought of going back is not so distant to me anymore.
Of course, I could make a new life somewhere else. Somewhere warm, with coconuts falling on my head. I would find a tiny apartment where I could put my own pictures on the walls. I would look for a job that would allow me to drink beer with my friends every now and then. I would find friends I could whine to about my difficult life ("Oh, today only bananas kept falling on my lap, so annoying.")
Or I could come back to Tartu. It would be easier. I wouldn' t have to worry about banana overload. But then I would want to leave again in a couple of months. Or not. I don't know.
Oh, the confusion. Oh, the choices. Oh, dreamlife, why are you not easier than normality? Should you be?
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